Meet Chapter VI’s story teller.
This is her story…
I’m a 22 year old girl, or some may now refer to me as a ‘woman’ (as being Indian, you get family ‘joking’ about trying to set up arrange marriages), but I still feel like I do not know enough to be called a ‘woman’. A ‘woman’ makes it sound like I’m an adult, and with the lack of experience I have in life, I would say I’m not quite there yet. Maybe I could say I’m on my way to womanhood.
When I’m walking down the street people do not realise how self-conscious I am and how I’m nearly always feeling as if I am being judged – for what I’m wearing and just how I look overall.
I’d say my biggest battle was university – both trying to get through university without constantly having meltdowns – but also trying to find a ‘good’ career once I had graduated. I remember once I had graduated with a 2.1 (which has been one of my biggest achievements to date), I fell into panic mode – what am I going to do now? I remember applying for a billion jobs over summer and going to random interviews for jobs I didn’t really want but they were based in the city of London and so it’d look ‘good’.
Since a child, it has been my dream to teach English – the subject I graduated in. But I felt there was a lot of judgment from people when I said I wanted to go into teaching, probably because of the lack of money or they thought it was an ‘easy’ and ‘comfortable’ job. However, after months of unsuccessful interviews at sales jobs in London, I finally applied to start my PGCE training and for a teaching assistant role at a school near me, and finally I can say I’m finally happy.
My future dreams are to finish my teacher training and move abroad, either to Bali, Vietnam or Australia and teach English. I am currently interning at a raw vegan restaurant (something that I’m passionate about) and I hope to one day organise my own vegan cooking/yoga retreats aboard.
Happiness to me means waking up in the morning with a mindset of gratitude and fullness. Happiness to me means being kind to others and to myself. Happiness to me means having long, deep thoughts with close friends/family and laughing endlessly. Happiness to me means being out in nature, doing yoga or running. Happiness to me means going to bed and feeling a sense of accomplishment and knowing that I was the best version of myself.
Something I feel strongly about and have a love/hate relationship with is social media. Aside from my personal Instagram account, I have a food and lifestyle account, where I share vegan food and recipes. Growing up, I compared myself to other beautiful girls who I’d see on Instagram and tell myself I’m not as beautiful as them and therefore I will not be as loved and therefore my life will never be as great as theirs. It sounds stupid to say, and I wish I could say I don’t do that anymore, but there are times I catch myself doing it and I have to talk myself out of it.
I remember being around 15 or 16 years old, and the online craze then was something called ‘Formspring’, where you could anonymously write comments on people’s profile and I remember getting an anonymous comment once calling me ugly, and it hurt, especially at that age when I wore braces, glasses and didn’t know what threading/waxing was.